Secrets Between Friends
by Demonhunter2
Summary: The crew save a halfhuman man, who has a connection to one of the crew memembers. Captain Janeway and the doctor swear him to secrecy to save the future. But, will this secret stay quiet or will it blowup in their face. chapter 6 is up
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is my very first Star Trek ff, and I have no idea about all the technical, science stuff. This is mainly a fic about choices, secrets, and putting the prime derective ahead of friendship. I hope you all like it, R&R greatly appreciated.**

**Sorry to anyone who already read this, but the first paragraph was deleted, I don't know why, I fixed it!!**

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His head laid on the cool console, he was aware of a dull, constant ache in the front of his head. He saw the sticky, crimson substance escaping through the large gash, pooling onto the console and eventually onto his lap.

He heard a very annoying message, bits and pieces of it made its way through the fog. His eyes would slowly close than quickly open. _Must stay awake, must stay awake….._

In the last few moments of consciousness he saw something, a light, than someone he never thought he would ever see again, it was an angel, it had to be an angel! How else could he explain seeing this person, his father once told him that angels were always watching him, and no matter what happened to him, he could always count on the angel protecting him. He believed it, his whole life he believed it, and now not even two feet away was all the proof he needed, than he slipped into the bliss of unconsciousness.

As he started to awaken he heard beeping, someone walking around, a male's voice who got no answers to his questions, so he assumed the male was talking to himself. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a bright light, he squinted, he must be dead, he often wondered what death would feel like, he had a perception of what life after death would be like, his mother was active in her religious beliefs, his father, even though now he was dead, was unsure of what was beyond life, and even though he didn't know his father very well, this made him doubt his mother's religious beliefs.

"How are you feeling?" The same male voice inquired, he turned his head and saw a thin man in a blue and black uniform and a receding hair line.

"Um….I don't know." He quickly looked around than back to the man "Am I dead?"

The man scrunched his face and said "No! Why do you think you're dead?"

"I thought I saw someone…..um….never mind. Where am I?"

"On the U.S.S. Voyager, we got your distress signal and rescued you. I'm the doctor….." Just than the captain walked in

"How is he doctor?"

"Well, he had a deep gash on his forehead, he lost a lot of blood and he has a concussion. He will need some rest but other than that he's fine."

"I'm on Voyager?" He mumbled to himself.

"You know of our ship?" The captain inquired.

"Captain, may I speak to you…." The doctor looked down at his new patient than continued "In private." The captain nodded her head and followed the doctor to the other side of infirmary, they spoke for a while, the captain slowly turned her head towards him and than back to the doctor.

She walked back to the man and said "What's your name?"

"My name is Dean." He replied, she handed him a padd and informed him of the situation, his face paled, now everything made sense, and why he was here, on this ship, he knew it was impossible, he had been told it was impossible, he knew the ill-fated truth of her demise and yet here he was in her infirmary, with her captain and doctor.

He looked-up at the captain than the doctor, tears stung his eyes, one lonely tear fell down his face, a tear that was held inside for over 23 years, he sat-up.

"I want to see him."

"You can't….."

"What? You can't stop me from going to see him, I have to….you don't understand." He screamed.

"Calm down…." The doctor urged, not wanting to cause his patient any undue stress.

"No!" He snapped back, how dare they tell him what he can or cannot do, who the hell do they think they are?

"We understand you're position, but you can't go see him, at least not yet, you would be tampering with the timeline, you may even destroy your future."

"Don't you think you're being a little mellow dramatic."

"No, I don't. I know you want to go see him, I understand, but you have to keep this a secret. You can't tell him or anyone else….." She took a deep breath "We will repair you're ship, and hopefully send you back to your time, but you can't disturb our timeline."

"Captain, I have to……please!" He pleaded

"I'm sorry, but no! We will inform the crew that you are from the future, but you have to keep who you really are and anything else you may know about the future quiet."

"I can prevent his death." She put a hand on his shoulder she empathized with him, but he knew just by looking at her, she wouldn't allow it. He lied down and tuned to his side, he wiped the single tear away.

"I'm sorry."

"Please leave." The captain hesitated, than did as he asked, her heart broke for the young man, but she was doing the right thing, at least that is what she told herself to stop herself from telling her friend the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so here is chapter 2 of my story, I wrote this a while ago, but wasn't too sure about but now I just thought I would go with it. I will not reveal who his father is just yet, b/c I am interested in who you guys think is his father, I narrow it down to two, and leave some hints so I can't wait to see what you guys think LOL!!!**

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* * *

**Dean paced back and forth, every now and than he would stick a finger nail in his mouth and nervously bit it. He glanced at the captain than at the doctor, they both seemed to be in deep thought. 

The door to the conference room hissed open and Chakotay, B'lanna, and Tuvok walked in, all three nervously looked-up, he wasn't here, they wondered if they could keep this a secret. Dean resumed his pacing and nail biting.

"Dean…." Janeway spun her chair towards him, "maybe you should sit down. I know you are nervous, but I think it would be better if you sat down." Dean nodded his head and sat in between the doctor and Chakotay.

He started to tap his fingers on the table, he wondered if his father still looked the same as he remembered, it had been such a long time, had he remembered his face properly or did he just make things up, and forced himself to believe that was what he looked like. After his father's death, he forced himself to memorize every feature, his voice, his smile, his embrace, his hair, his eyes, he couldn't forget his eyes, they looked back at him everyday, he had his father's eyes, he knew it!

_Flash_

_Whips, Screams, a woman screaming._

"_Stop! Please, not in front of our son!"_

Dean got-up, he wished he didn't remember he wished he could forget, but if he forgot how his father died, than he would forget his father, he would loose that spark, the drive, the rebellious streak that burned every time he fought the Mez'aps. He shot-up, Chakotay noted his odd behavior.

"Are you alright?" he inquired, Dean turned around to face him, realizing the man was talking him.

"Hm! Um…..yeah, yeah I…I am!" He sat back down biting his nails.

"Are you sure?" He hedged

"Yeah…I'm a bit nervous….um, meeting the crew and everything, heard a lot of good things about you guys, about the ship, just very….excited." Dean scrunched his face, realizing how lame that sounded, he bit his fingers again.

The door hissed again and Seven walked in, Dean noted how beautiful she was and smiled at her, in turn he received the usual Seven response and his smile disappeared. Chakotay wanting to make the man at ease decided to make some small talk.

"So….Dean, right?"

"Yeah, Dean."

"What planet are you from?"

"Oh, well I am half-human, my mother is from a species called the Cor'tans, Voyager will…."

"Dean, please don't tell us when we will encounter your home planet." Janeway interrupted, she knew she would have to keep an eye on the young man.

Dean scoffed, and scrunched his face "It's not that big of a deal…."

"I know it doesn't seem like it would impact our timeline, but even a small bit of information will effect our and yours."

"The Cor'tan, species 75686, the Borg encountered them 3 years ago, an advanced species with an interest physiology, and a very unstable government, they have a violent history. Unfortunately they are the only species the Borg couldn't assimilate."

"Really? Why not?" B'lanna asked.

"They Borg tried to assimilated 37 of species 75686, but they all died once the Borg nano-probes were injected into their system."

"An interesting physiology? What do you mean by that?" Chakotay was interest now.

"She most likely means my blades and how our spots..." He pointed to the small cluster of spots that started at edge of his eyes and around the side of his face. "...changes with moods." Chakotay scrunched his face, now this was interesting…blades?

"Blades?"

"Well, I can't go into details….prime directive and everything." Dean said looking at the captain, making his displeasure with her orders known.

Janeway closed her eyes and took a deep breath; she knew that comment was directed to her and her orders. She understood his frustration, she wanted to go tell her friend herself, the last thing she wanted was for her friend to die. But, what would be the consequences of telling him, would things be better if she let Dean warn him of his impending death, or would it be made worse. She couldn't tell, too little was known about the circumstances of the young man's death and the outcome.

She remembered their conversation yesterday, Dean brought up how his father would put him on his back and they would soar through their house, his father was the shuttle craft and Dean was the pilot, they went through turbulence, fought the Romulans, and saved Starfleet from the Borg at Wolf 539. Janeway noted the way the young man idolized his father, he was perfect in the young man's eyes. She got a knot in her stomach just thinking of her friend's death, leaving behind a woman he loved and their son.

She opened her mouth to say something to him but then the door hissed once again and Tom and Harry walked in and both sat down. Janeway, the doctor, and Dean all starred at them, making both men uneasy.

"Something wrong?" Tom inquired

"No!" Janeway, the doctor, and Dean all said in unison.

The two young men looked at each other, but nothing else was said about the matter.

"Let's begin, what are the damages to the shuttle."

"Its pretty damaged captain, replicators, and weapons are damaged beyond repair, life support, warp core, and navigation are damaged but they can be repaired." Harry said.

"But, we have a small problem with the navigational systems. The database of where the ship has been is stored in one of the consoles, when it is damaged a back-up system is set-up, we have to upload the database back into the console. Every time we upload it, the console looses power." Tom explained.

"That's nothing new it's a tricky little bastard, but it can be fixed." Dean explained.

"But, we're worried you will loose all the information, possibly even loose navigation all together. It might be better to download it onto the ship's computers, repair navigation and then download the information back onto the console once the navigation is repaired."

"We can't do that, it interferes with the prime directive." Dean looked back to the captain, who was more than irritated by the young man's snide remarks.

"Do it, but put a security feature on so our new guest would be the only person to access the information." She met his stare, making it more than clear she wasn't going to change her mind on this one. "What do we have on how Dean was sent back through time?"

"We found a worm whole about 7 light years away, it is highly unstable, and there seems to be an electrical storm within it." Seven stated flatly.

"I don't remember going through a worm whole." Dean said scrunching his face.

"What do you remember?" Chakotay inquired.

Dean was silent for a moment, trying to remember what had happened. "I was in a dog fight, two ships, fast, heavy weapons, heavy damage to my ship….as you all know." He smiled "I thought I was dead, I hit my head….than next thing I know I'm rescued, I never went through a worm whole."

He bit his lip, his father wasn't even two feet away from him. He was handsome, he was exactly as he remembered, every feature, he smiled.

"Dean, if you can access your navigational database, we can determine where you were, and how you traveled through time." Janeway said.

"Yes, captain!" He said with a mocking military salute.

Janeway closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm her last nerve that he was wearing very thin. "I want a report by 1800 hours, dismissed!" Everyone got-up, Dean moved to speak to his father, but was stopped by Janeway.

"Dean…" The young man turned around to face her "I need to speak to you."

"What is it? I want to….your not going to stop me from talking to him, I have a ri…"

"I'm not, I just want to talk to you."

"Okay, what about?"

"About what just happened." She paused to get a reaction from him, he leaned against the table and crossed his arms across his chest. "I don't like the way you were speaking to me, I treat you with respect and I expect the same from you. I also expect you to show respect for me in from of my crew."

Dean was silent, she could tell she wasn't making any headway so she continued. "I'm not your enemy, what would happen if I let you tell him of his death."

He got-up quickly, he eyebrows scrunched together in anger. "You would be saving his life." He shouted.

"Would I?"

"What?"

"Think about it, let's say we warn him and he doesn't change a thing, or maybe he changes what he does and that changes your future, maybe even make it so you never exist."

"You don't actually think that is true? I would still be alive…"

"What if he finds out how he dies and decides that going a certain course is too risky. Any change, no matter how minuet could have drastic consequences."

Dean walked to the window, took a deep breath, and shook his head. She watched him, waiting to get a response from him. "I saw it happen, I can't forget….I just….I can't let him die that way."

Her heart sank, the young man watched his own father die, she wondered what had happened, she was tempted to ask him, but she fought the urge, but instead opted to comfort him. She stood-up and placed a hand on his shoulder, he turned around, a little surprised by the comforting gesture.

"I understand, really I do, but you have to at least try and see where I am coming from. If I could warn him, without disrupting our timeline I would, but I don't know what the future holds, and neither do you." Dean, for the first time since he met Janeway, understood where she was coming from, and accepted her decision, he nodded his head.

"Alright, now I think he's due for some lunch, mess hall, hurry, you don't want to miss any opportunity to spend time with him." Dean smiled and bolted for the door, "Dean, don't have the soup, Neelix made it last week, I don't recommend it." They smiled at each other.

"Thanx for the advice."

"No problem!"

* * *

How did he get himself into this, he looked at the brown….no green….maybe it was a yellowish-brown color, he really couldn't tell, liquid. He looked up at the Telaxion who waited eagerly for the young man to taste his soup, a wide smile on his face.

"So….I have eat this with you standing there?" Dean eyed him wearily.

"Oh! No! I just want to know if you like it, if not I got some Taron silk lamb, very tender!"

"Yeah, I bet!" Dean smiled, he dipped his spoon into the strange colored soup than looked-up "You know, you just contradicted yourself."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you said no, than you said you wanted to make sure I like it."

"Oh, I guess I did." Neelix scrunched his face, than said "Go ahead eat! Eat!"

Dean took a spoonful, took a deep breath and placed it inside his mouth. To his surprise it was actually good. "Oh my god! This is good!"

Tom and Harry started to laugh, he looked over at them and smiled than back to Neelix.

"Thank-you, I might have seconds."

"No problem, there is plenty of it in the kitchen." He turned around to go back to his fellow crew members to serve them their lunch.

Dean looked at the two men at the table next to him, he thought for a moment or two, he had to come up with something to say. "The captain advised against the soup."

The two men laughed "Yeah, well, it's an acquired taste." Tom said sarcastically.

Dean took another spoonful and promptly swallowed it. "So, you guys are the lucky fellas to be working on my hunk of junk, eh? Couldn't ask for a better piece of crap!" He said nervously.

"It's not that bad." Tom said, than he thought about it for a second "Okay, never mind it is a piece of junk."

Dean laughed "Yeah, it's an old racer, built for speed, maneuverability, not much on the side of weapons, had to take care of that myself."

"So, you work on your own ship?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I do….if….if….um…." His hands started to shake, he was sitting here, at the table next to his father, alive and well, happy, maybe staying quiet wasn't such a good idea.

_Flash_

_Whipping_

_Screaming_

_Whipping_

_Screaming_

_Blood, deep wounds, blood, everywhere!_

Dean's breathing became erratic, his chest tightened, the room started to close in on him, he grasped his chest in an effort to force himself to regulate his breathing. He scrambled to get-up, Tom and Harry got-up to help him, he still couldn't breath.

His eyes locked on the flames of the element in the kitchen.

_Flash_

_Flames!_

_Heat!_

_Screams!_

_Begging!_

_Burning flesh!_

Dean screamed, he started to hyperventilate.

"Dean! Calm down! Breath!" Harry commanded as he grabbed the young man on his way down to the ground.

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Is it Tom, Harry...Hmmmm!!! Think you know hit the button and give me your best guess!


	3. Chapter 3

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Dean slowly opened his eyes as consciousness brought him back from his peaceful dreams of a time when he was younger, his father was alive, he wished it was happier times, in his youth he believed everything was perfect, despite the war that tore his family apart, but as he got older he questioned the perfection, he wondered about that look in his father's eyes, what had put that in there, he went to his mother every chance he got, but he knew his mother was good liar, he took every answer with a grain of salt. 

"How do you feel?" Dean's eyes shifted to the left, the doctor stood above him, tircorder in hand, concern in his eyes.

"I feel fine." Dean answered quickly, hoping the doctor would leave it at that.

The doctor took a deep, annoyed sign. "I don't believe you." He said bluntly.

"I don't care, believe…." He quickly got up. "…don't believe me, it doesn't matter."

"Lie down." The doctor demanded and pushed the young man down.

"Are you this pleasant with all your patients?"

"No, just the infuriating ones."

"Funny!"

"Doctor…." Janeway said as she walked into the infirmary. "….how is he?"

"I need to talk to you captain." He said as they both started to walk away.

"Wait, I don't get to hear this, I think I have a right to hear what your going to say."

They both turned around, the doctor nodded his head.

"Your suffering from PTSD….."

"What?"

"Post traumatic stress disorder, it happens when some thing traumatic happens….." Dean sat-up turning around he noticed that Tom and Harry were standing beside his bed, his stomach knotted.

"……it becomes difficult to get past the trauma…." The doctor continued, the young man noted the empathy in the doctor's voice and wrongly took it as pity.

"……this can result in flashback, memories, and nightmares."

"I know about that….I've had that my whole life, I don't need your pity." Dean said sharply.

"Trust me, it's not pity, you make it difficult to have pity."

"I don't need this…." Dean muttered than swiftly jumped down and bumped into Tom as he started for the door. "Sorry." He muttered, Tom looked the young man in the eyes and saw something very familiar, he knew those eyes, they were familiar, and as Dean walked to the door, Tom noticed the look Janeway was giving him, at that moment he knew the secret she was keeping.

* * *

Tom starred out the window as he nursed a cold cup of coffee, his body stiff, his eyebrows knitted together, his thumb rubbed up and down the side of his mug as he was lost in his thoughts. He was so occupied by his thoughts that he didn't hear B'lanna walk into their quarters.

"Hey." Tom jumped when he heard her voice, his hand jerked and he spilled the coffee, he was surprised at how cold it was he wondered how long he had been sitting there.

"Sorry."

"That's okay." Tom got-up and walked to the bathroom, he quickly dried his hand than walked back to the table to clean the mess. B'lanna watched his every move, she could tell something was bothering him.

"Tom, are you alright?" She said as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"Huh….oh yeah, just thinking."

"About what?"

Tom sat down, she knew it was serious so she sat across from him. "That guy…Dean, he's from the future, he had this reaction in the mess hall."

"I heard, he fainted or something."

"He had….an attack, the doctor said he's been traumatized…..he can't get over the trauma, he has flashback, memories, nightmares….he seemed really agitated….I'm wondering what happened to him."

"That's really sad….but why is this affecting you so much? You hardly know the guy."

"That's not whole story."

"What do you mean?"

"He started to feel….I don't know, I guess he didn't like the way the doctor was talking to him…"

"No surprise there, in five years the doctor has hardly worked on his bedside manners." She said with a sly grin.

"True….but that isn't my point, all those comments about protecting the prime directive, he was rude to the captain, and she took it. Not only that, he looks pretty familiar….I mean…really familiar."

"Tom just spit it out, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Alright, but I could get into trouble if you tell anyone I went I did."

"Tom….what did you do?" She leaned forward slightly, the grin from earlier now disappeared and she wondered how much damage control was needed, and if they had congenial visits in the brig.

"I looked at his medical records….he's Harry's son."

"What…..? Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, they have the similar DNA, they have the same eyes, B'lanna, he looks just like Harry…..I don't know the kid enough to say he is just like Harry but…..he's Harry's son."

"His attitude isn't Harry's."

"No, it's not, and he is traumatize, he was talking about a dog fight, the ship looks like it took a lot of hits over time….I'm wondering what kind of trouble he's in and where the hell is Harry in all this."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Harry has a right to know this kid is his son, I know he would want to know, but the captain I know will want me to keep my mouth shut….so what the hell do I do?" Tom picked-up the mug and sipped the coffee, he immediately cringed at the cold liquid, B'lanna gave him a questioning look.

"I forgot it was cold."

"Oh, you must be really at your wits end if you forgot it was cold." She smiled at him and put a hand on top of his before she continued. "Go to the captain, talk to her…."

"She'll tell me to keep it quiet." Tom snapped.

"Don't snap at me!" She said without removing her hand, he lowered his head and squeezed her hand.

"I'm sorry…" he looked-up at her. "Your right I should just go talk to the captain" he got-up still holding her hand she held onto it, he turned around.

"Just leave out the part where you broke into Dean's medical files." They both laughed, Tom leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

* * *

Katherine rubbed her eyes for the third time since she lied down to read in her bed. She felt her eyes slowly close as she drifted off to sleep, her hand lulled to the side, she began to dream about Mark and their golden retriever, they were at the beach in Sydney, Australia throwing a Frisbee to the dog and it caught it in it's teeth every time.

She startled awake as she heard the chime on her door, she groaned as she threw the blankets off, she reached for her robe shrugging it on and tying it tightly around her waist. She yawned again and rubbed her face as the door chimed again, she rolled her eyes at the visitor's impatience.

"Come in." Tom walked in "Tom…." She signed "…do you know what time it is?"

"Um, yeah it's 0100 hours ma'am."

"What are you doing here at such a late hour, and this better be good I just fell asleep."

"I'm sorry captain, I guess this could have waited till morning, but I have to talk to you about this."

"What is it?" She said bluntly, her exhaustion making her patience thinner than ice on the first day of winter.

Tom took a deep breath, his hands shook slightly, he started to pace.

"Tom, whatever it is just tell me." She said as she grabbed hold of him by the arms.

"I know Dean is Harry's son." She let-go of his arms, she wasn't certain what that look from earlier really meant, she thought it would be best if Tom confronted her instead of the other way around, that way if he didn't know she wouldn't let on what she knew.

"Why would you think that?"

"Captain! I know Dean is his son…..I have to tell him."

"No! You can't, already too many people know…..did you tell anyone else?"

Tom went silent, she knew the answer. "Who did you tell?"

"B'lanna…."

"Tom, why did you tell her?"

"Because she saw that something was troubling me….and I had to tell someone, she told me to talk to you, I was going to go to Harry."

"You should listen to her more often." She said than turned around and sat at her couch, the wave of exhaustion hit her as soon as she hit the soft cushions of the couch.

"Trust me, I was so tempted to just go wake him up, I've been walking around for three hours trying to make my mind up."

"It's not up to you, and you know Starfleet's stance on tampering with the future. He is only half-human, what kind of effect might this have on the Cor'tan?"

"I don't know?"

"Exactly, we don't know, and Dean has reluctantly except it, so should you." She pointed a finger at him as she said the last part.

"He's my best friend….what if he wants to get to know his own son? He'll have some questions….I have some questions, I'm wondering what happened to Dean and where is Harry in all this?" Katherine said nothing, she tried her best to hide her emotions, not wanting to tip Tom onto Harry's death.

"He was traumatized, I know Harry…..and I don't want to believe he wasn't there for his own son, so that leave the question…..why would Harry let something like that to happen to his own kid?"

"How do you know Harry didn't try to stop some thing bad from happening?"

"I don't"

"Which is the point, you don't know, I don't know, no one except for Dean knows what happens in the future, and if we change it, what will be the consequences. Isn't that the point of the prime directive that we don't know the outcome of changing something we have no right to change."

"Yes ma'am." Tom said reluctantly.

"Good, now I am ordering you and B'lanna to keep this quiet, I'd rather not have to reprimand you both for violating a direct order."

"Yes ma'am we will keep quiet." Tom said than silently left Janeway's quarters.

* * *

**7 light years away, The Mez'ap's ship**:

"Report!" The Seanix bellowed as he hastily walked into the bridge.

"Seanix, it seems when we followed the Cor'tan into the worm whole we….um…we traveled back into time." The Seanix scrunched his face and turned to his officer, who tightened his grip on the padd.

"How far back into time?"

The officer swallowed hard before answering "Twenty-seven years sir." The Seanix went silent, letting the information soak in, than he smiled.

"Twenty-seven years….." He started to laugh, the officer wasn't sure if he should be relieved or say his last prayer. "That is great news that means we can alter time. That means my son is still alive, that means Harry Kim is still alive, and that damn Cor'tan lead us straight to his father, I am going to make him pay for murdering my son."

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**Congrats the peeps who said Harry, you win a shinny new nothing woohoo!!! (Sorry, it's the internet it makes giving out prizes a bit difficult LOL) did you guys like it, a little plot twist at the end, hit the button and give me your 2 cents!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanx to everyone who has reviewed, I know there was some trouble with the review posting but it looks like it has worked itself out. This chapter will answer some questions especially why Harry killed the Seanix's son.**

* * *

"Hi!" He said in a low almost inaudible voice.

"Hi! How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright….really I am, it comes and goes so I am not always so…." Dean started to feel nervous, he ran a hand through his thick black locks. "Anyways, I was wondering if I could join you?"

"Sure, but don't you want to get your food?"

"Oh right! I'll…um what are you eating?"

"Oh….well….you might want to get something else, I'm not too sure about this." He moved some of the noodles with his fork as if it was radioactive.

"It doesn't look too bad, I think I'll take my chances." He smiled and turned around to join the line of officers waiting for their helping of Neelix's version of chicken Chow Mien.

Dean finally got to the front of the line, Neelix had a large pot on one of the elements, the blue incandescent flame formed thin tentacles around the shape of the pot. Dean could feel his breathe coming in short, quick shots, his chest tightening, the memories…..

_Flash!_

_Blackened flesh!_

_The smell of burnt flesh!_

_The screams!_

_The heat! _

He quickly closed his eyes, swallowed a quick breath and let it out slowly, forcing the memories out of his mind, he grasped the plate even harder, concentrating on the hard, cool replicated porcelain. He was on Voyager, it hasn't even happened yet, he opened his eyes and turned to Harry who was giving him a very concerned look.

Dean turned back to Neelix who was mirroring Harry's expression.

"Are you alright?" Neelix inquired.

"Yeah, I'm peachy." Dean answered with a fake smirk. "I'll have whatever he's having." Dean pointed to Harry.

"Oh, yes that's chicken Chow Mien, very nice, but made with Tortan noodles, and Pairing fowl, it is a delicious combination." Dean smiled at him, if it was anything like the soup he could have thirds. Food was scarce, and he couldn't remember the last time he ate so well, if he had ever eaten so well.

Dean sat at the table, Harry waited tentatively for him to taste the mushy noodles and the dry fowl. Dean put his fork into the noodles, swirling the fork around to get an ample amount, stabbing the meat with his fork, he put it into his mouth than quickly spat it out. Half of which landed on Harry's uniform, he fell backwards in shock.

The mess hall erupted with laughter, Neelix rushed to their table. "Is everything alright? You don't like it?"

"Um….um…well, no!" Dean hated to hurt Neelix's feelings, he was a kind man, and he embarrassed his father in front of his crewmates, he felt like a complete idiot.

"It's alright, I have more of the Taron silk Lamb from yesterday."

"No thank-you I think I will leave." Dean said and quickly left before Harry could say anything to him.

* * *

Dean walked to his shuttle craft with his head hanging low, man, how did he screw that up? How the hell did he manage to embarrass both his father and himself at the sometime….in front of the whole crew. He let out a huge sigh as he walked up the ramp and noticed parts of his ship were all over the place. He walked further careful not to step on any vital component when he saw Tom under one of the consoles removing another part.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dean shouted, Tom jumped and hit his head on the console.

"Ow!" He complained as he came out from under the console, rubbing his forehead. "Do you mind not sneaking-up on me!"

"Do you mind not taking my shuttle apart!"

"I'm trying to fix her for you."

"You're a pilot not an engineer."

"No one better to fix the ol' girl than a pilot."

"Ol' girl…? It doesn't matter, you've taken it apart."

"I know it looks bad…." Tom stood-up and looked the young man over, he looked so much like his friend, and he wanted to help him out, and in his opinion, this was the best way to do it.

"….but trust me she will be purring when I'm done with her." Tom said and smiled as he turned around.

"I can't just go on trust, and no offense, but why would I trust you?"

"I'm sure your dad told you all about my adventures….." Tom lent down and under the consol again and brought an instrument to it. "But, he must have also told you that I know my stuff when it comes to making sure a ship is in tip top shape."

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?"

"Harry, he's your dad. Oh, sorry, I kind've figured it out."

"Did you tell him?" He blurted out.

"No, captain orders." Dean let out a loud sigh and sat down in the chair beside Tom.

"So, what everyone will know but him?"

"Captain never meant for me to find out, but when you knocked into me in the infirmary….." Tom turned his head and faced Dean "….I knew right away, you look just like him."

Dean couldn't help but smile "Really?" Tom saw the young boy who idolized his father and his heart broke for the boy.

"Yeah, yeah you do."

"You do what?" Harry inquired as he walked in.

Dean looked-up, he felt sick to his stomach, he found himself starring at the young man in front of him, unable to move or speak to him.

"Uh….he has a nice ship." Tom blurted, hoping it was good enough to cover his butt.

Harry squint his eyes and looked around "It's in pieces."

"I'm fixing it." Tom said becoming annoyed with everyone questioning his ability to fix Dean's ship.

"Right!" Harry said mockingly and chuckled, Dean kicked Tom in the thigh.

"Ow! What the…?" Tom shouted, Dean coughed "Oh…..I think I hear B'Elanna calling me!" he said and hastily left.

"Tom, where you…?" Harry called after him, but couldn't finish his sentence as Tom disappeared. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Dean answered with an innocent look.

"What just happened."

"What just happened?" The young man answered, wanting to change the subject he added "I think he destroyed my ship, maybe you could help."

Harry laughed and said "Sure, first we need to figure out where all this goes." He bent down and started to pick-up the various pieces, Dean bent down beside him, sneaking in a few good looks, trying his best to take in every little feature, every flaw, every movement and how he held himself.

"Okay, I know where these go." Harry declared with his eyebrows knitted together he took a deep breath in. "But, I think this will be an all nighter." He said as he shook his head in disbelief. "What was Tom thinking?"

"I have no idea, I think he set-off to destroy my ship." Harry laughed at this and added.

"Yeah, well your ship wasn't exactly in the best shape, he might have done you a favor."

"So, you guys are good friends?"

"Yeah, he's my best friend." Dean nodded, he studied the young man some more, he opened his mouth, hesitated than shut it again. Harry noticed and said.

"Something wrong?"

"Well…..let's say hypothetically you….in the future had a family….and um….and left Voyager, you would mention Tom…right?"

Harry looked at him for a moment or two than said "That is a pretty specific hypothetical question."

"Yeah, I guess….my father, he had a best friend, he never mentioned him….and I'm, I'm wondering why he never did. I don't know, maybe you could….you know help me understand."

"How could I help you? I don't even know your father." He asked than lied under the same console Tom was under moments ago.

"No, but…..he was human, maybe you could give me some insight into the human mind." He let out a nervous laugh_, that didn't sound so bad_, he thought.

"Well, I don't know about your father, but I would mention him. Tom and I have been through a lot of stuff together, got me out of some tough situations…." He let-out a chuckle "….got me into a lot of trouble more than I have been in my whole life."

Dean laughed, he would have liked to see what kind of trouble they had gotten into.

"Did that answer your question?"

"No, but don't worry about it."

"You refer to your dad in past tense….did he die?" Dean's heart stopped at that moment, he clenched his fists, feeling his nails dig into the soft skin of his palms, a thin layer of sweat covered his face and the back of his neck, his eyes welled-up and he looked away.

"I'm sorry." Harry said in a soft and apologetic voice, he got-up from under the console and put a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed it, tears fell down his face. "If you want to talk about it…."

"It's what I can't get out of my head."

"You watched him die?"

"Yeah….it was horrific, he was murdered, the people who killed him made sure I watched." Dean couldn't take it anymore, he hid his face in his palms and openly cried.

Harry had left him padds loaded with information about Earth and humans, he read them a million times, he once read that time heals all wounds, he never believed this, he believed that wounds, especially ones of the heart and of the mind, never healed, they lingered, burrowing a deep hole inside a person, making itself a home to torment, crucify the owner of that memory, he was a prisoner of his own mind and memories.

Harry seeing the pain he was in, felt a lose for words, he didn't know what to say, what could he say? What could anyone say to make such a terrible thing better? Dean, who for a moment forgot that Harry didn't know he was Dean's father, put his arms around him, clutching his father tightly, feeling Harry's heart pounding against his chest, the warmth of his body, his hot breath brushing gently on the young man's neck, Dean held him tighter, he hid his face in his father's shoulder.

Harry started to feel uncomfortable pulled away, but Dean held him even tighter. "Dean….Dean we should finish working on your console. We have a lot of work to do."

Dean let-go of him and wiped his face, Harry turned back to the console.

"What would you do?"

"About what?"

"I went back to the infirmary, I apologized to the doctor. He said I could…..I could erase the memory of his death."

Harry turned his head towards him than back to his work. "I really can't answer that question for you, it's too personal."

"If…..it was you would you want it erased?"

Harry stopped working, that was a difficult question, what would he do if he witnessed his own father's death.

"Wow! Talk about a tough question, I don't know what I would do. I'm pretty close to my dad…to both my parents, I can't imagine witnessing his death….I think it would kill me! How old were you when he died?"

"I was 6." His voice cracked, barely able to string a simple sentence together it hurt so much to talk about what happened.

"Oh my god!" Harry went silent, imagining a 6 year old boy watching his father being murdered.

"I….I don't know. This is affecting you, you have those flashbacks every time you go to the mess hall, you can't live off of rations."

"I've had worse, in fact, I've never eaten so well. There's a famine on my home planet."

"That not my point! What if something else reminds you of what happened? What if it becomes too much for you to bear? You need to decide if you can live with this or not."

"Harry….I have to tell you something." He said in a determined voice.

"Janeway to Dean." The captain's voice came through the comm. Link.

"Damn it!" Dean muttered and walked out of his shuttle and to a comm. Station. "Yes captain."

"We have detected a ship 7 light years away we believe it followed you through the worm whole, report to astrometrics."

* * *

"The ship is 500 km long, the haul is titanium based although some of the other materials are unknown, it is heavily armed and can reach warp 10.5." Seven said monotone and turned towards Dean who was stealing glances towards Harry.

"That's a Mes'ap ship, this one belongs to the Seanix. He's a government official, use to be a general….." He glanced at his father again. "…..he organized death squads, went house to house killing whole families, and sometimes he got family members to kill each other. He's the one who killed my father."

"Is he after you?" Janeway inquired.

"Yes, he is." Dean turned towards Harry and grabbed him by the arm. "We have to leave, now!" He said with determination as he pulled his young father with him.

"Where and why are we going?" Harry asked as he pulled his arm away, Dean held it tightly in a vice like grip, Harry pulled even harder freeing his arm and falling backwards hitting the back of his head on the astrometric's console.

"Dad!" Dean blurted-out.

"What the hell is your problem?" Harry shouted as he sat-up, rubbing the sore spot on his head. He removed his hand and studied it to make sure he wasn't bleeding, when he saw no blood he stood-up quickly, loosing his footing at the quick movement, Dean caught him.

"I'm okay." He said angrily pushing the young man away.

"Harry, you should report to the infirmary. We will take care of the Seanix's ship."

"Captain, I feel fine."

"You almost fainted, report to the infirmary."

"Yes ma'am." He said as he exited astrometrics.

Once he was gone Janeway turned to Seven "Seven, could you give us a moment?" Seven looked at them for a moment, she caught Dean's slip, she looked to them both for a moment than nodded her head. Knowing full well Starfleet's stance on interfering with a timeline, so she left them alone.

"I think she caught your slip." Janeway said with her arms crossed over her chest with a disapproving look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let it slip. I can't do anything right." He muttered the last part hanging his head low.

"It's alright, you just need to be more careful. Where were you going to go with Harry? What were you hoping was going to happen?"

"I don't know, just get him away from here, somewhere safe. In time I could tell him the truth, maybe I could have the father I never had." The last statement broke Janeway's heart, she, again, fought the urge to go and tell Harry herself, but she knew better.

"Why did the Seanix kill Harry?"

"After we escaped the death squads we headed for the mountains, treacherous path, we barely had any food, my dad he was living on even less food than my mom and myself. I remember her begging him to eat more, he refused, said we were more important. We came across a small group of Mez'ap…..they were raping a young girl, my dad saved her……killing all three, one of them being the Seanix's son." He looked at the captain and waited for a response.

She was quiet, Dean wondered what she was thinking, what would be her next move? She tapped her comm. Badge and said "Janeway to the bridge."

"Bridge here." Chakotay's voice came through the comm. Badge.

"Change course, I want as much distance between us and the ship that just came through the worm whole as possible, and keep an eye on it."

"Yes captain."

"Thank-you captain."

"No need to thank me, I don't want anything bad to happen to Harry or to you."

Dean nodded his head, he could see that she cared for his father and he was thankful he once had a happy life.

* * *

**Oh poor Dean!! Can't do anything right!! Hit the button and give me your two cents!!**


	5. Chapter 5

Life is not a straight line, it has a lot of turns, some wide, gradual, you see it coming a mile away, but of course there are the sharp turns, almost angular, you don't see them coming, and when you hit the wall it hurts too much to move, let alone figuring out what to do next.

Harry Kim was a shelter boy, the only child, his mother kept him close, held him tighter whenever a shady character came too close to the boy, she knew one day she would have to let him go, she cried many days before her only child left for his first mission, a dangerous mission, she implored, begged, pleaded, she even tried to persuade Admiral Khan to give her son another mission, but he gently reminded the middle aged Chinese woman that danger came with the uniform. She hesitantly let him go, which she regretted the moment her husband informed her Voyager was lost.

She cried for days, she didn't give up on him, she knew she would hold him again, see his dark eyes light-up as he talked about the newest innovations in Warp core technology, she knew she would sit in the front row at Harry's wedding to Libby. She often picked-up his picture and held it close to her bosom as tears raged down her face.

Six years later she woke to a dream, Harry walked bare foot on barren, dry land, there was smoke in the background, her son wore rags, his back was bleeding, his skin was charred, he did not face her or answer her calls to him, he walked like a man on a mission, determined, steadfast in his journey, until...he fell, she ran to him, clutching his blacken arm, his head bowed, he raised his head, his face was hideous, deformed, burnt, scared.

She screamed as the image of her beloved son's face fused into her mind, she wanted to run, to find her husband, this wasn't her son, this...this thing wasn't her son, she tried to let go, but something held her back...his eyes, they cried to her, they were apologetic, sorrow, deep pain, and when he spoke to her, it echoed her son's remorse.

"I'm sorry mom...I am dead."

She woke hysterical, screaming, she batted her arms at anything and everything that was near her, including her husband, she was incoherent, in between her rants, she yelled "Harry isn't dead!"

But deep down inside of her, she knew she lost her son, her only child, her one true love, she fell deeply in love with the baby presented to her years ago, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever see, and now he was gone, and she never got a chance to say goodbye.

Harry's quarters was quiet, a pin drop could be heard...that is if he had a pin to drop. He sat in his chair in front of the coffee table, his metallic cup filled with coffee, now cold, sat a few cm from the edge. He didn't know why he replicated the damn thing, he wasted a perfectly good replicator ration for nothing, but he knew he couldn't sleep, he needed something to keep him awake, he gripped the arm rest, his nails digging deep into the replicated cushion.

He let out a deep breath, it was followed by a sharp breath in and out, it seemed while he stared at his cold coffee he forgot to breath. He was in a trance, everyday, normal, human functions was now taking so much effort, he had to remember to breath, to blink, to move. He desperately needed to go to bed, but a heavy load laid upon his chest and as soon as he lied down it suddenly took a physical form, a heavy weight sat upon him, his chest tightened, he could feel every areole tightening, contorting, his ribs shrinking around his heart and lungs, no longer the protector, now it was a prison where there was no escape, he struggled for air, until he got up and sat at the chair that he know held vigil starring at the cold coffee cup.

It was strange, he thought to himself, that hearing one single word would have such an impact on him, so profoundly...had he heard it right...? Was he imaging things...? Was he projecting his own hopes...? He laughed at the notion, why would he want to be Dean's...father? Father...it truly was strange, that word, that single word use to elicit such joy, it was comforting, happy memories of playing tag, running outside in his yard with his father, going to the academy, his father's face beaming with pride when he graduated from the academy.

But, now that same word, elicited new emotions, dread, anxiety, and panic, he brought his hands up, resting his elbows on his knees as he lowered his head and cupped his face in his hands. He remembered when Dean had that episode in the mess hall, he was suffering from a traumatic experience, his father's death...Harry's death.

No, it couldn't be, why was he jumping to conclusions? Did he hear Dean correctly? Was Dean even stable enough to believe anything that he had said? Harry stood-up, determined, he would find out the truth, he knew it was late but he didn't care, he needed to know.

Harry took wide strides, it was late, the usual hustle and bustle of voyager corridors was now vacant, it had a surprisingly calming effect on him, usually he would take a stroll down the ship's vacant corridors when he couldn't sleep, maybe take a small detour to the mess hall, if there was anything left from that night's dinner, and it was edible, he would steal a plate.

As he neared Dean's quarters a small wave of panic came over him, the weight on his chest came back, his ribs tightening around his vital organs again, he gripped his shirt, he leaned against the wall and took deep breaths as he reassured himself, he pushed himself off of the wall and walked the last few feet. His hand hovered over the control pad for a moment, he could turn back, he didn't have to do this, no, that was the coward's way out, he had to confront the young man...his own immortality.

He took another deep breath as he pressed hard on the door chime, he heard a muffled "come in" and he did.

"Harry...what are you doing here...it's like 0200 hours."

_Take a deep breath, nice and easy._ "I needed to talk to you about something."

"It couldn't wait?"

"No...it can't." Dean shrugged his shoulders and plopped down onto the couch, he slid down a little and closed his eyes.

"I need you to answer some question...this may sound crazy..."

"It's 0200 hours you've surpassed crazy." He said without opening his eyes.

"Yeah, well...you said something earlier and I can't get it out of my head...and I'm not sure if I heard you right..." He took a rough hand across his eyes, pressing firmly into his orbs. "Did you..." He brought his hand down and opened his eyes and spotted a picture of himself in the mountains, wearing a very thick coat holding a child, he picked it up.

"I...I think this answers my question." He said, strangely calm, it even struck him how calm he was, maybe he was in shock.

"What...what answers...?" Dean said as he opened his eyes, he stood-up immediately "Shit!" he cursed under his breath, Harry laughed.

"That's putting it mildly." There eyes met, and for the first time since Harry met Dean, he saw the resemblance, he didn't look like he had anything other than human DNA inside of him, he was the mirror image of Harry.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Captain ordered me not to, trust me I wanted to go tell you the minute I found out I was on Voyager."

"She wanted to preserve the timeline."

"Yeah."

"Is that what all that crap was about in the conference room about the prime directive?"

"Um...yeah!"

"That's not the way to handle it."

"I know...I'm just not use to being in an environment like this...I'm use to doing what I want whenever I want. Don't really have anyone to report to, no hierarchy, or a long list of rules and regulations."

"I see."

"Are you okay? You're not reacting how I thought you would've"

"How do you think I would react?"

"I thought you would be happy...ask me questions, do something, **you're just standing there**." He shouted the last part.

"**I'm going to die!**" Harry shouted back "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to shout, it's just that...it's a bit of a shock...I'm going to die."

"NO! NO! I'm not going to let you die...nothing bad is going to happen to you...nothing."

_Flash_

_Screams_

_Flames_

_The smell of burnt flesh_

Dean screamed as he grabbed fists full of hair, he lost his balance as his past overwhelmed him, his mind punishing him, it was his fault his father died...

_Flash_

_Harry's eyes burrowed deep inside of him, they were dead, they were accusing him of murdering him, why didn't Dean protect him? He could have done something...anything._

He screamed again and collapsed onto the couch.

"Kim to sick bay." Harry cried as he kneeled down in front of Dean.

"Sick bay."

"Doc, it's happening again, Dean's having another attack, I don't know what to do."

"Talk him down, let him know you are with him, tell him to touch different things around him."

"Dean, look at me...look at me, I'm here..." Harry touched his son's face gently. "You're not there...you feel my hand...that's real." Dean took solace in the close connection, Harry's hand brushing against his cheek, his breathing started to regulate, his heart rate came down, he closed his eyes as Harry took his hand and squeezed it.

"I think it's over doc." He breathed, he hadn't noticed his breathing was irregular, his heart was skipping a few beats, this was different, this time it was his son.

"When Dean is well enough bring him to sick bay."

"I will."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's...it's not something you can control."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"Than what?"

"I let you die...I should have done something that bastard killed you and I let him."

"What? No you were only 6, you couldn't have stopped it, there was nothing you could have done."

Dean looked at Harry "I knew how to use three different weapons, there were others there, we just stood there and let them kill you...I let them kill you."

"I don't understand...no, don't tell me, every time you talk about it you have an attack. Let's just go to sick bay, we'll talk about it later."

"No, no, I'm okay. When our planet was invaded, many people surrendered unconditionally, it was rumored that they knew of the invasion, our planet had been at war with Mez'aps thousands of years ago."

"That was the Northern Province, the Southern Province, were we lived, resisted, as if they knew we would resist, they sent out death squads...I guess to teach others a lesson. We lived by this lake, it was beautiful, it was secluded, you saw our neighbours get killed."

A single tear ran down his face, he quickly wiped it away and continued "We quickly packed; we went through the mountains..." Dean suddenly stopped and looked at Harry than continued again.

"We made it to a refugee camp, where more died, two years later, you were captured and killed."

"Why?"

Dean was silent for a while, Harry could tell he was hiding something "As I said death squads, they killed over a million people...no remorse."

"Why me?"

"You know I feel much better...I um...think I'm ready to go to sick bay." Dean stood-up and went to his door, Harry followed close behind, part of him wanted to push further but the other part of him wondered if that was really a good idea, did he really want to know why he was murdered?


	6. What the frak is going on?

Holy smokes!! It's been a while!! ***faints* **I am both shocked, and fully embarrassed that it took me this long to do....er....anything!! So, first and foremost, I have to sincerely apologize that it took me nearly 2 years to post a new chapter!! I don't know if anyone is interested still, but I seriously hope you are. In the past 2 years I have moved across the country, wrote a story that is the size of a novel, had 3 jobs, one of which was extremely stressful, long hours, and most of the time wasn't treated with any respect whatsoever!! Combination of these things made it very difficult to write anything. But, good vs evil, good will always prevail!! (but possibly not in the story ahahaha!!) I have written chapter 6, and I am more then half-way through chapter 7, which will be the last chapter. I have other devilish, fiendish things planned, for instances.....oh hold-up chumpies you didn't think I was going to spoil you guys HA!!! Hearing the shock is half the fun!!! I sort've guarantee shock and awe, and unlike the operation of the same name that ain't lip service!!!

Toodles, or as our fine heiress Paris would say TTYN!!!


	7. Chapter 6

**Three cheers!! I'm ready to post this chapter!! (does a happy dance!!) and I am happy to report the last chapter is done, just need to read it over again, do some editing, yada yada yada!! **

**I hope you guys like this chappy, lots of tension, lots of secrets coming out at the wrong time, and oh a little ending that might leave ya screaming!! Hehehe!! those are the best ending!!**

**Enjoy!!**

When the shit hits the fan (aka chapter 6)

The future always looked bright for Harry Kim, especially since he got the Voyager. He looked upon her sleak lines, and next generation features with wide, and youthful eyes. Now, the future held nothing but pain, nothing but death, and torture for his son.

Oh god.....his son!

He gulped, whipping his brow from the sweat with his sleave. He barely noticed the doctor buzzing around Dean, he said nothing, didn't move, it was much easier to just sit there and be silent, a specator to the events rather then to be a part of it. He was still very much in shock.

"I'm getting tired." Dean said sheepishly, his eyes straining to stay open.

"That's normal." The doctor replied. "Your exhausted, you should sleep well now that you are no longer suffering fom PTSD." His eyes landed on the ensign who seemed to be only somewhat paying attention.

"Yeah, get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow." Harry smiled, he lifted his hand, it hovered over Dean's hand than landed on top, tapping it lightly, he smiled half-heartily. But the smile didn't reach his eyes.

Dean noted the hesitation, the look in his eyes, he noted the vain attempt his father gave at comfort. But, he was tired, so damn tired, he could feel his eyes closing, a more then welcomed and needed rest.

Harry took a deep breath, he rested his elbows on his knees, and cupped his head inside his hands. This was one hell of a bombshell, first he has a son, then he finds out he is going to die.....painfully! He was going to die, how the hell was he suppose to get out of this? How the hell was he going to save his own life? He wanted to, but was it the right thing to do?

There were so many directives he would be breaking, so many rules and.......what the hell was he doing? He knew about his own death, and he was worrying about breaking rules and regulations......instead of how to save his own life. Saving his son's life.

"What is wrong with you?" The doctor chastised.

"Go away!" Harry replied angrily, his head still cupped inside his hands.

"Dean has wanted to tell you the truth the minute he found out he was on Voyager....."

"Go away!" Harry shouted shooting up to his feet. He pointed a finger at the doctor "This is a lot to take in, to think about. This isn't easy for me."

"I don't expect it to be easy, but being a parent isn't easy....."

"I'm not a parent, this is the future! You can't just.....just hit a button and fastforward over life. You can't expect me to......" Harry stopped, he dropped his hand, the fear overtook him, he felt the tears pinching the corners of his eyes.

He racked a hand through his hair, turned around and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" The doctor called after him, Harry stopped for a moment, then left the infirmary.

The doctor turned around and saw that Dean was awake, the screaming had awoken him.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." He said sympathically, and walked over to his patient.

Dean shook his head "Don't be. He's right, you can't just skip over life, expect no reprecussions. If I was in his shoes, I don't know if I would react any differentily." Dean lied back down and closed his eyes; not truely believing his own rationality.

* * *

Harry sat in Sandrine, very drunk, slammed another empty glass of whiskey onto the counter. He didn't like to drink hard liquor, but he wanted to get drunk! Real drunk, real fast. He was going to die, in front of his five year old kid, might as well make it worth something.....or nothing....or whatever! Why the hell did he die? Was it for something? Did his life mean anything, or his death? Or were they both meaningless and in vain.

He swayed slightly as he signaled for the bartender, the synthole doing a thorough job of getting him intoxicated. "Another one!" he shouted, the bartender walked over to him with a bottle of whiskey, he eyed him carefully.

"I think you have had enough." Harry squinted his eyes, and scoffed.

"I....I think I don't...." He stopped for a moment, feel a bit nausous "I rogramed you to thunk. N'other!" The bartender gave him another weary look then poured another drink as he was commanded. Harry downed the brown liquid faster then it was poured, wincing at the after burn.

He felt a hand land on his shoulder "I think you have had enough there Harry!" Tom said, seeing his friend more then a little drunk, especially since his shift started in 20 minutes.

Harry slapped his friend's hand away, loosing his footing he fell backwards finding the counter behind him, avoiding a meet and greet with the hard floor.

"Get the hell away! Who the ell are....." He stopped, swallowing the bile he felt coming up his throat.

"Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?"

"I'm your best friend." Tom said simply, he had a feeling he knew why Harry was drinking, his sudden anger, he must of found out.

"Best friend?" Harry laughed "Fuck you!" He screamed, Harry never swore, he found it vulger, crass, and unnecessary.

"Okay! I think we better get you back to your quarters. We'll tell the captain your sick." He grabbed Harry's arm and snaked his around the younger man's torso.

"Yeah Tom, sure no problem. 'Cause, we're bestest buddies, you always have my back." Tom stopped, the bitterness in his friend's tone wasn't missed.

"Yep! Got my back! Tell me.....when I get murdered in front of my five year old son, will you have my back?" They locked eyes, Tom hoped Harry was just drunk, that this was just some kind of delusion.

"What?" He whispered.

"Oh come one! You knew, Dean told me. He said you knew everything. He told me, his father died in front of him, burned alive." The tears rolled down his face. "I'm going die Tom. And you knew! You knew!" The accusation was too much for Tom to bare, he snapped.

"I didn't know! I knew Dean was your son, but I din't know anything about you dying. I swear Harry, I would've...."

"Would've what?" Harry interrupted, the anger still very present "Would've told me, like you would've told me about Dean being my son. That's why you were acting all weird before, why you left in Dean's ship, cause you knew. Family bonding or some shit like that." Harry took his arm back and sat back down at his stool.

"Harry, please...." Tom stroked at his chin as if he had a beard to stroke.

"Go to hell!" Harry snapped.

"Let me take you to your quarters." He moved closer tenatively.

"Do you ever give-up, leave me alone."

"No!" Tom shouted back. "You don't mean this, your drunk, let me take care of you." Tom insisted.

"You know what else is fun family bonding. Watching.....your son.....watching as he has attack after attack, literally paralyzed by the past. Watching as a smell, or a sight, or a sound sends him back to the worst moment of his life." Harry shook his glass, the ice clanging against the glass, the bartender filled the glass with more whiskey.

"Boy! I wish I could've watched my father being burned to death!" Harry said sarcastically.

"Shut-up! Just shut-up! I didn't know!" Tom defended, he stared at Harry incredously.

Harry slammed another glass of whiskey down his throat, he turned to Tom and said "Tom.....I think I'm going to be sick." He then renched on the ground, Tom, thankfully dodged out of the way.

* * *

The next day.

Tom stood in the turbo lift, lost within his own thoughts, he was still reeling over his encounter with Harry. Who, finally allowed Tom to take him to his quarters. He became even sicker, then passed out on his bed. Tom watched him for a while, he felt like he had already lost him. The secrets, in a way they were lies, they had already driven a wedge between them. Knowing of his friend's impending death, it was too much for him to bare, he allowed a few tears to prick his eyes, to stream down his face.

His hands tightly woven in a fist, he could feel his nails digging into his flesh as Captain Janeway stepped onto the turbo lift.

"Good morning Mr. Paris." She greeted him, a padd in her left hand, she waited a few moments for him to respond. She raised an eyebrow when he didn't.

"It's customary to recipacate the greeting of a superiour officer, especially when she's the captain." She reminded him. He gripped his fist even tighter, a few drops of blood seeped through his fingers, Janeway noted the blood and ordered the turbo lift to halt.

"Tom, are you alright?" She enquired, concern in her voice, she hoped it wasn't about Dean and Harry.

It took a moment, but Tom eventually answered the question.

"I would have to ask to speak freely......" He paused for a moment "But, I don't think you would like the answer. I don't think you really want to know what I think of you Captain." He kept his voice calm, the anger just boiling underneath, the word captain was spoken with disdain.

"This is about Harry, isn't it." She hedged, knowing this would lead down a path she wouldn't like.

"Permission granted." Tom turned to face her.

"He's going to die. You knew and you ordered me to keep my mouth shut. You ordered Dean to keep his mouth shut, but he couldn't, he pleaded with you to let him warn Harry. And yet, you swore him to sectrecy. Hary knows, he told me....." Tom took a moment to compose himself.

"He told me that he is going to burn to death. What the hell do you say to your best friend when he tell you he's going to burn to death? That you could have done something...."

"There is nothing you can do." Janeway said sympathically, she wanted him to know that this wasn't easy for her either.

"Is that an order." It wasn't a question, he was openly mocking her position and her authority.

"You better watch yourself Lieutenant. I am still your commanding officer, I am the captain of this ship." She paused for a moment. "You think it was an easy decision for me?"

"One person, one life, all you have to do is give an off handed remark about....anything. You could warn Harry not to go somewhere, not to do something, to do something, anything to save his life. We've done it before, tinkered with the timeline. What are you afraid of a court martial?"

"Another one for the road. Just another timeline we tinkered with. We're not talking about just one life, we're talking about an entire civilization. It's like stepping on the insect."

They stood there for a moment, Tom hadn't thought that Harry's death had such an impact. He was just one person........just one person, what impact would he have? Other then in his own life, other then in Dean's life. What the hell kind of mess would Harry get himself into?

"Computer, resume turbo lift." The rest of the trip to the bridge was uneventful. They stood there, not knowing what to say, what to think, both very angry at the other, but this was an argument no one would win, it was pointless to argue. The doors to the brige opened, Janeway existed first, Tuvok said something, she didn't respond, she really didn't hear him.

"It's like warning the jewish people of holocaust and saving 6 million lives." Tom blurted out. The tension was felt through out the bridge. She wasn't facing him, but she let out an exasperated breath, pinched the bridge of her nose and turned around.

"Who do you save captain, the insect or the people? Is the insect more important than the people. We don't tell him his fate we save the insect, we do tell him his fate we save the civilation."

"May I remind you, we are on the bridge, you will address me with the utmost respect. If you speak out of line when addressing me again, I will throw you in the brig. Do you understand Lieutenant!" She glared at him for a moment, she secretily hoped he would shut-up and take her authority seriously. She knew this was difficult on him, hell it was differicult on her.

"You gave me permission to speak freely." He said meakly, it strangely didn't have the power he had a moment ago.

"That was on the turbo lift, now we are on the bridge, take your station. I'm only giving you one chance before your having your lunch behind a force field."

"Yes, ma'am." He said simply and took his place behind the helm. The tension was only slightly lifted, it seemed like there was a collective sigh of relief amongst the bridge crew, Tom hadn't gotten his ass thrown into the brige.....this time.

Janeway took her seat at the captain's chair. Tuvok took this moment to inform the captain that the Mez'aps still hadn't made any aggressive moves. The electrical storm that Seven had theorized brought Dean to the past was dissipating and they had a small window of 28 hours to get Dean back to his timeline, no matter the consequences that awaited him.

Janeway, looking for some insight into what their next move should be, she hailed Dean to the Bridge.

"I don't what to tell you captain." Dean was facing the view screen turned towards the captain who was sitting in her seat. "I guess they're waiting for me to make the next move. They're usually very aggressive people. They rather make the first move then wait for us to."

"Any suggestions." She said tenatively, the young man was unpredictable at best, and she wasn't in the mood for more temper tantrums. She had her full of angry men tell her she was wrong.

Dean smiled sadly, he had one, but he really didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay here with Harry. But, on the other hand, he had other responsibilities, he had a life in his timeline. As fucked-up as it was, it was his life, and since the treatment he had felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders.

"I'll leave."

"You can't!" Tom blurted out "I mean not just yet." He not so subtly nodded his head towards Harry. Who seemed like he was still reeling from his drinking binge the day before.

"That was subtle." Harry responded.

"I have a feeling Tom isn't very good subtlty." Dean said sarcastically.

"It's fine, I have nothing here." Harry was somewhat shocked at the words, there was no bitterness, just truth. Which, ironically, hurt even more. To his own surprise he didn't want Dean here, there was something very unsettling, haunting about the look in his eyes. It made Harry very uneasy, and he foolishly believed it would go away when Dean did. None the less, the words still hurt him, Harry didn't fully understand why.

"I'll just leave, take my chances, I'm sure I'll be fine." He said boastily, relaying an overly confident and arrogant air, something he didn't feel.

"I'm not certain that is best course of action." Replied Janeway.

I'm sure it's not..." Dean smiled sadly again "But, I have nothing left here. No reason to just linger, where I'm not wanted." Dean looked Harry in the eyes, making his dissapointment more then obvious. It made Harry even more uneasy.

"I'm so sorry I'm such a dissapointment." Harry said bitterly. "I really don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to be happy, to show some support, to show something other concern for yourself." Dean snapped.

"You can't just drop a bombshell and expect me to just go about like it's no big deal."

"I think you're missing the point Mr. Kim." Janeway interceded "I think Dean just wants a connection."

"Exactly!" He was now seeing the captain in a different light. She wasn't as heartless as he originally thought. He was finding he was seeing everything in a different light since his treatment.

"I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations." Harry said, hoping it would shut the boy up.

"Your right, you don't live up to my expectations. What the hell is wrong with you? You should be happy, you should be asking me questions, wondering who I am, if I am anything like you.....if at all. It's become perfectly clear to me I put you on a pedestal, and now, for the first time in my life I am seeing my _real_ father, and I don't like him." Even though this statement was somewhat true, it was mainly said to hurt Harry. Dean found his words strange coming out of his mouth, this whole situation just didn't feel right/

Chakotay leaned over to the captain and said "I'm guessing that was the insect."

She leaned over on her elbow "Your not going to start yelling at me?" She whispered back.

"I'm just so hurt you didn't tell me." Chakotay said sarcastically.

Harry wanted to respond, he did have questions, a million of them, but really he couldn't bring himself to ask. The answers he already knew were still too hard to swallow. He looked Dean straight in the eyes, opened his mouth, and just as he was going to say something was beamed off the ship.

"Where did he go?" Dean snapped, panic ridden he started to tremble, he had an idea who took him, and where he was now.

"Shields....." Before the captain could finish her sentence Dean was also beamed off the ship.

* * *

Harry and Dean stood in a dark room, with no doors, no windows, dim lighting from the ceiling illuminated their faces. Bones strewn on the walls like decorative ornaments. Blood, several severed heads hung on the far side of the wall, pools of blood on the ground with other body parts.

"I guess that was their aggressive move." Dean nervously started to fidget. He had faught the Mez'aps several times, but that was at a distance. He had heard horror stories about their torture methods, he hadn't put too much stock into it, partly because the dead can't tell a tale, but mostly because he didn't want to believe them.

"We shouldn't panic." Harry reassured.

"I think we should be shitting our pants. I've heard.......stories." Dean paused for a moment "But, feel free to not panic."

**Oh poor Dean and Harry in the clutches of their enemy!! Poor Tommy boy! He just can't win with Harry!! Loved it!! (I'm sure you did!) hit the review button and let me have it!!**


	8. The fan fights back

**Oh we're at the end of the road!! *wipes a tear* I hope all of you guys have enjoyed this story!! And considering how long it took me to finish it, i am surprised anyone is left reading it!!**

**But, a great big hug to all those who stuck with this story, and those who are new. There is a sequel, b/c 1) I just can't help myself 2) You guys have to know how Harry got himself killed!!**

**Oh and I wanted to just warn anyone who might be a little squirmish, this chapter is a bit gory. But, if you are a little squirmish, just skip some parts and continue with the story!!**

**Read, enjoy and review!! :) ;)**

The Fan fights back!

The air was thick and stale, it infested their lungs like a plague. Both men breathed deeply in a failed attempt at relief. As Harry inspected the large room the dim lighting casted his face in illumination and darkness. He started to feel confined, like a caged animal, he paced like one.

Dean on the other hand sat quietly on the floor, his knees pulled towards him. He didn't give his young father much attention. He was trying to reconcile the man he remembered and the man that stood in front of him. He must have imagined many of the memories, or possibly gave small events more importance then they deserved. Then Harry deserved.

"There must be a way out." Harry mumbled, he stopped, his face partially covered by darkness. "So, your just going to sit there."

"Why fight fate?" He said, still unwilling to look at Harry.

"What fate?" He questioned exasperated.

"We're going to die.....so why fight?" His defeatest tone irked Harry.

"So, your just going to sit here and let them kill you?"

"As I said, why tempt fate." Harry, enraged, grabbed Dean by the arm and pulled him up.

"Okay, I get it, I not what you expected, maybe I don't know how to be a father. The whole 2 days that I had to spend with my....how old are you?"

"25." Now he was looking at Harry.

"My 25 year old son, who is technically only 2 years younger then me."

"Your problem is that I am 2 years younger then you."

"Listen! You can hate me later, but like hell I'm going to sit here and let them kill us both." Dean was silent, but the look on his face showed that he now was willing to cooperate.

"I saw some bones over there, maybe we can use them as weaspons." Dean smirked, he had a weapon.

"Don't worry about weapons, stand back!" Harry moved 2 steps back, Dean flexed his forearms, boney spikes shot out of his arms.

"We call them blades." Dean said smiling. "The Mez' don't like them, cut real quick, real deep!"

"Wow!" Dean flexed arms again, and like magic the boney spikes receaded back inside his arms, the small slits closed-up like nothing protruded out of them.

"Comes in handy." Dean said cocky, smiling proudly.

"I bet!"

Harry and Dean proceded quietly, they searched the walls for anything they could use. The bones that Harry had found earlier were of no use. They would need filling to be used as any sort of weaponary.

"You were right." Harry said, as if they had been in the middle of a conversation.

"About what?"

"You put me on a pedestal. How can anyone live up to a five year old's perfect view of his father."

"Six, I was six. When you....." He cleared his throat, hoping not to show any weakness. The last few week had done a number on his emotions.

"Your sure."

"No, I was five, I just added a year to bug you."

"Funny!"

"What's your point."

"My point is that when your a kid your parents seem perfect. When you grow-up you seem them as human. You never got that, so you just kept seeing me as this perfect, flawless person that could do no wrong. When you met me...."

"Oh! I see." He crossed his arms around his chest and leaned against the wall. "So, your blaming me, because you don't measure up. It's not **my **fault you can't measure up."

"I'm not blaming you!" Harry had to keep his temper in check, Dean sure had a mouth on him, he questioned the results that said they were related.

"What I'm trying to saying is that you didn't see me as a humanbeing. More like someone who could do no wrong. More like a superhero." Harry paused for a moment "You know what those are, right!"

"No!"

"This is going no where, why am I bothering to explain this to you." Harry turned around, a transporter beam danced and pulsated around his torso.

"What was that?" Dean exclaimed. Harry was grabbing at his midsection.

"I don't know......." A searing, hot pain exploded inside of him, he screamed in agony. "But....it hurts!" he screamed again. Dean ran to his side and was met with a punch to his face, he fell hard to the ground.

To Dean's surprise the Seanix was standing in front of them. A devilish smile on his face, he flexed his fingers, the boy sure had a hard jaw.

"Father and son, together again." He laughed "So, touching." He paused for a moment, soaking in the agonizing pain Harry was in. "That....." He pointed to Harry's midsection "was a bomb." He erupted in laughter.

Harry's face went pale, he started to sweat, patting his torso, the stakes went up a whole lot more. Now they had a time constaint, but how long did he have. He scrunched his face as more pain exploded from within him.

"Oh! Where are my manners. Let me introduce myself. I am your killer. In the future, that is. I am the one that slowly and joyfully tortured you in front of your little darling son. In front of everyone you knew and loved. I set you on fire when I knew you were still alive. Sometimes....." He moved closer to Harry, breathing in, soaking himself in all the pain and agony the young man was in.

"I reminisce about that day, the day I viciously murdered you." In the corner of his eye he saw Dean stand-up, posed to attack, his blades spread out. He ran towards the Seanix who went for a small phaser like weapon and shot Dean in the chest.

"Don't worry, he's just stunned." The Seanix said, he turned around, breathing in deeply. "Do you know why I killed you?"

"Does it matter?" Harry breathing had become ragged, sweat was dripping down from his jawline, he couldn't understand why he was in so much pain. "You're a......evil.....bastard.....whatever your.....reasons......I'm sure.....they weren't just...ifable." Harry fell to his knees, a muffled scream slipped through his lips.

"It matters!" Screamed the Seanix, he punched Harry in the jaw, his head bouncing off the wall. The enraged alien grabbed a handful of the young ensign's hair, looked him directly in the eyes.

"I'm the one who is evil?" He said, spitting in Harry's face. "You murdered my son. Your darling little boy didn't tell you. My men.....found his body, bloody, ripped apart, you left nothing of him!" He took a moment to compose himself. Now wasn't the time to loose one's temper, he had a plan, he needed to be cool, calm, he wanted to enjoy every scream, pleas, every neuance of their impending torture.

"I! Am the evil one?" He threw Harry on the ground, he stood-up and turned towards 3 other men who stood behind him, who had just beamed into the room.

"Put him on the table." He said, pointing to an unconcious Dean.

Two of the men hoisted Dean onto a rectangulare table, a force field was erected, and Dean regained conciousness. The Seanix walked over to Dean, a sinister and malicious smile spread across his face. Dean suppressed his fear, fear was the last thing he wanted his enemies to see.

The third man stood on the other side of the table. He held a sharp, curved knife, smooth on the inside, and jagged on the outside of the blade. It gleemed slightly in the spotlight as he brought it to Dean's left forearm.

"No! Please don't do this." Dean begged, knowing what they had planned.

The three men laughed "I think he's scared." Joked one of them.

The man with the blade was a scranny, mousey, pestilent man. He smiled as the blade went into the slits in Dean's arm. Dean pressed his lips together, screwing his eyes shut as the blade snaked behind his bone, cutting his muscle, tendents, slicing his skin like a knife through hot butter.

"Stop!" Harry managed to scream, nursing his abdomin, he stood-up, he searched for a weapon, and saw none.

Dean starred directly at Harry, he was pale, in obvious pain, he mouthed the words "Help me!"

The mousey man walked to the other side of Dean to remove the blades on his right side. The Seanix, seeing the silent pleas, quickly walked to Harry, grabbing him by the hair dragged the young man to the table.

"I want you to watch. I like to watch, especially if it causes you as much pain as possible." He whispered in Harry's ear. "Remove it!" he commanded to the mousey man who simply nodded in compliance.

"No!" Harry screamed, he struggled to break free. Dean was loosing too much blood, his eyes sagged, one of the men slapped him awake.

The mousey man brought the blade to Dean's right forearm. "I like to watch." Dean said, playing along with the Seanix.

"I really.....liked watching.....your shit for a s-s-on die!" He spat.

"I was ne-never prouder of my dad! He really.....sliced him....up!" Dean said smiling, he weakily laughed.

The Seanix seethed, his fingers intertwined in Harry's thick hair, he pulled harder, he breathed deeply, keeping the anger in check.

"You like to watch, did you enjoy it when I slaughtered your people. I liked it! Women and children first as they say!" He seethed "Cut him!" He screamed.

Harry went into a blind panic, he searched for a weapon, one of these men must have something he could use. He saw a knife in it's sheath, but the man was just out of his reach, the mousey man inserted the curved blade into Dean's arm.

Harry, moved slightly, his fingers just out of reach, he inched closer tenatively. He could hear Dean's muffled scream as one of the men moved in to get a better look. It was exactly what Harry needed, he gripped the knife, raising it high, he stabbed the mousey man in the neck. Blood spurted out, some of it went into Harry's mouth. It was thick, greasey, but oddly sweet. Harry gagged.

Harry then pulled the knife out, the mousey man had a surprised look on his face, he fell to the ground dead. He then raised the knife quickly again and brought it down into the Seanix's abdomen, then once again. The other two men charged Harry tackling him to the ground, one of them landed on the knife. His eyes wide open, fear laced his eyes. The other man raised his fist, striking Harry twice in the face. Harry released the knife.

He raised his fist once more, but Harry kicked him in the head, knocking him unconcious, he fell on top of Harry and his dead companion. The wind was knocked out of him, he struggled for air.

"Dad...help...me!" Dean pleaded, his voice meak, his breathing jagged. Harry pulled the two men off of him, he lied there for a moment, the pain slashed through him, reminding him of their time constraint. Ignoring the pain, Harry pulled himself up.

Harry looked at the controls, he saw one of the men use the control panel, his eyes danced around the multiple buttons, he couldn't look at Dean, the boy was dying, he couldn't look. After a moment, Dean was released from the force field.

"Come on! We need to get back to Voyager." Harry helped Dean up, putting the young man's arm around his shoulder, his abdomen was screamed at the increased weight, but Harry pressed forward.

"Do....do you know how to get out of here?" Harry asked Dean as they stepped in the blood of the dead men. Body and carniage, Harry looked down at what he had done, He murdered three men.

"Ar-m b-b-b-an....." Dean lost conciousness, luckily it was enough for Harry to understand, he gently placed Dean on the ground, Harry could no longer stand-up, he crawled to the Seanix's dead body. There was a black arm band with a square screen, symbols Harry didn't recongize, he crawled back to Dean.

"Dean! Dean, wake-up." He lightly tapped the young man's face, Dean opened his eyes. "How do I communicate with Voyager?"

"What?" He regreted what he had said to Harry earlier, maybe he was right, Dean wouldn't have accepted anything but perfection.

"Voyager......" Another lacerating pain ripped through his body, he muffled his screams. "Voyager......we need to communicate with Voyage to get back. Can you show me?" Tears were now streaming down his face. He regretted not being a more loving, understanding person. Janeway was right, the young man just wanted some kind of connection.

"I....I can't m-m-move my a-a-rms." The cuts to Dean's forearms were deep, they cut through most of muscles and tendents.

"Okay....tell me!" He showed Dean the device

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"What? For what?"

"I pu-ut you on a ped-d-estal. I love you d-d-dad."

"That sounds like your giving-up."

"I'm dying."

"No.....no your not! Tell me how to communicate with Voyager." Harry inavertentily yelled at the young man, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." Harry placed a hand on Dean cheek, his hands were covered in blood, he smeared some on Dean's cheek.

"Three symbols, 2 red, 1 blue." Dean's eyes rolled-up in the back of his head.

"Dean! Please....." Harry was now openily wheeping, he started to panic, his hands shook, he dropped the device on the ground. He could feel the bomb inside of him tearing, ripping his insides apart, it wasn't just a bomb, but an instrument of torture.

"Weak! Pathetic human, your just as infurior and useless as your worthless son." Harry turned around and saw there was still one man alive. He had a large bruise on his right cheek and was bleeding from his mouth.

"But, I got to admit you know how to kick." He spat out 2 of his teeth. "Doesn't matter! that bomb inside you will go off any minute now." He seethed.

Harry turned around, picked-up the device, 2 red, 1 blue.

"Kim to Voyager, lower your shields beam us to the infirmary." Harry shouted.

The other man picked-up his companion's knife and threw it at Harry, but it missed him as they were transported off the ship.

* * *

A sea of red was set in front of the doctor. Somewhat shocked, somewhat in awe that the men in front of him were still alive.

All Harry could see, feel, taste was blood. It covered his face, his once prestile, proud uniform, now a disgraceful and disgusting site to see. He could taste it, feel it on his tongue, lingering in his throat. An ever present reminder of the autrocity that would not, and should not be spoken. The blood bared witness of his crimes.

"You have to help Dean." Harry screamed. His mind in a haze, this wasn't real, it felt real, looked real, it tasted real, but it couldn't be reality, this must be some sort of delusion.

The doctor knelt down to scan Dean, his eyes closed, stillness was his companion, death was his visitor of the night. A long, lifeless beep, an ear piercingly, heart shattering, soul destroying sound. How could something so small and miniscule be so damning, deafening. It told the tale of Dean's fate before the doctor did. He closed the tricorder, lifting his head solemnly.

"I'm sorry..." The doctor continued to speak but it fell on deaf ears as the reality of the situation fell upon the young ensign.

"Harry!" The doctor shook the young man slightly.

Harry saw the knife the mousy man had used still in Dean's arm. He grabbed it and stood-up.

"Captain, both Dean and Ensign Kim are aboard." Said Ensign Travers.

"Get us out of here Mr. Paris." Janeway ordered as she sat in the captain's chair.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Captain, the Mez'aps are powering weapons." Tuvok alerted her.

"Shields-up, red alert." Ordered the captain.

"I need to examine you. Put the knife down." The doctor said tenatively, somewhat annoyed.

"Stay the hell away from me." Harry screamed, the knife pointed at the doctor "For your own good stay away from me." Harry screamed sounding like a lunatic.

"Have you forgotten I`m a hologram?" The doctor said irritated, sometimes humans were so peculare, and annoying beings.

"Just stay the hell away from me." He screamed again, before the doctor could respond, Harry unzipped his uniform shirt, lifting his grey undershirt, he turned the knife, making his intentions very clear.

* * *

"Evasive manuvours." Janeway ordered, the Mez'aps ship fired on Voyager, the ship shook with the impact, consoles exploded, systems were down, they were obviously no match for the ship of the future.

"Shields down to 50%" Tuvok informed the captain, another hit "Shields down to 30%"

* * *

"Put the knife down ensign." The doctor pleaded, it was becoming more and more evident that the young man wasn't in the right frame of mind. The doctor mentally went through different scenarios as to what would have caused his, possibly temporary, mental instability.

Harry, not heading the doctor's pleas, inserted the tip of the knife inside his upper abdomen. He screamed in agony. He then ran the knife down to just above his belly button. Harry dropped to his knees. He dropped the knife, blood pooling around him, feeling the warmth of the liquid, dispite it's warmth his body chilled. Knowing that time was running out, Harry put his hand inside of his incision he just made, muffling his screams, he pulled the bomb out of his body then collapsed to the ground.

The doctor in obvious shock, stood there for a moment, what the hell was wrong with him? The doctor could have removed the object, most likely without an incision. He shook his head, time was running out, Harry was loosing a lot of blood and he needed to know what that object Kim took out of himself.

He ran to Harry "What is that?" He shouted, still very much in shock.

"It's a bomb." Harry whispered.

* * *

"We've lost warp drive, haul breach on decks 7 and 8, lifesupport lost on deck 10, we can't take another hit captain." Chakotay yelled over the histeria of the bridge.

"Doctor to the bridge, lock onto my signal and transport 500 metres from the ship."

"Transporters are down!" Ensign Travers shouted as a console behind him exploded, killing him instantily.

Moments later there was another explosion, the captain was thrown from her chair, debrie landed on top of her. Chakotay was also thrown from his chair, he looked immediately towards Janeway who was unconscious.

"Kathyrn...." He shouted, he checked her palse, still alive, he signed in relief.

"Chakotay! We have to evacuate the bridge." Tom shouted, a fire raged at the ops, smoke filled the bridge and the crew coughed and choked on it.

Both men moved towards the turbolift, Tom noted Tuvok on the ground, a large gash on his forehead. He hoisted him up, snaking his arm around Tuvok's waist, he carried the vulcan to the turbo lift. Two more crewmembers entered the turbolift.

* * *

Three days later, Janeway opened her eyes. There were bright lights, unfamiliar faces, she laid there naked under a sheet of soft and very warm sheets. Her head throbbed slightly, she clutched her forehead, she moaned softly, and closed her eyes again.

"Your awake." Chakotay said softly, he could hear the fear in his voice, the way it cracked. He had practiced what he would say to her when she woke, but now it just seem useless. He didn't even want to attempt to hide the fear and anger he had felt the last few days.

"Where am I?" Janeway enquired.

"Your not going to believe me." He said half jokingly, but truthfully he didn't really believe it himself.

"Try me." She said, her eyes still closed.

"We're on the Cor'tan's home world." She opened her eyes "Apparently....we weren't that far from their region of space. They saw the Mez'aps ship. They kept a distant because the Mez'aps didn't seem hostile. They came to our aid when they attacked."

He lowered his head, he could no longer fight the fear, the anger, dread that Kathryn would never wake-up.

"Your crying, it couldn't be that bad......please tell me it's not that bad." She pleaded, seeing her friend in such a state, it scared her, her worst fear come true, she had failed her crew.

"It's bad......but.....that's not why I'm crying." He held her hand even tighter "I was so scared you wouldn't make it, that you would never open your eyes."

"Chakotay......"

"It's been 3 days, I've sat here for 3 days, waiting, hoping you would wake-up."

"It's been 3 days?" Now her own tears were breaking through her tough exterior, she wasn't the captain right now, just a woman lying on a bed with her first officer, her friend, her companion, her confidant, someone she cared about dearily, some she dared to think, she loved.

"I need to tell you something....." He said softly.

* * *

2 ½ weeks later

"Please state....." The doctor stopped mid-sentence, the sickbay was in shambles, beds broken, consoles flickered on and off, the glass that seperated his office and the rest of the infirmary shattered. The door to the infirmary was blown away, burn marks decorated the doorframe like a motif. He turned around and saw Harry starring at him.

"Harry! Are you alright?" He said shocked, he looked around, where was his tricorder?

Harry didn't answer him.

"Where is my tricorder." He mumbled, Harry pointed to a pile of instruments and debrie, he walked over to it, pushing aside side pannel's, glass, and other instuments, he found three tricorders, only one worked. He turned around, walked towards Harry and started to scan him.

Harry, still very much in shock, pulled away and slapped the tricorder out of the doctor's hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" He snapped.

"Examing you. Have you forgotten you cut yourself in half?" The doctor said irrate.

"It's been almost 3 weeks. I'm fine." Harry said, his voice barely audible, but it held bitterness, contempt, it hung heavily in his face, the way he held his body, as if Harry had the whole world on his shoulders and now it was taking a psyical tole on him.

The doctor looked Harry in the eyes, it was evident that he had been crying, his eyes were blood shot, the skin underneath was also red, puffy, he was pale, and there was a scare that started at the corner of his right eyes and ran across his cheek to just above his chin.

Harry walked towards the exit "Where are you going?" Harry didn't respond "Wait! How many injured, where are the injured?"

Harry stopped just outside the infirmary. "Does it matter." Harry was silent for a moment "17 dead. The injured on the planet surface."

"What planet?" The doctor said irrate, he needed to know the condition of the injured, he was the only one who knew the medical history of all the crewmembers. He felt usless.

Harry didn't have the time, energy, or the desire to fight with the doctor. A few hours earlier he had been at Dean's funeral. He watched as they lowered his body back into the ground. He was still in a lot of pain, but he stood there for 2 hours as they chanted, a group of woman sat around three drums, constantly druming. It was to appease the god of the afterworld. The chanting was to keep the evil spirits from taking Dean's soul and infect it.

Harry stayed at the young man's grave, he looked down at the pile of dir. He was alone, insisting Tom and Be'lanna leave him alone. At this moment he saw it, he thought he was going crazy! No more then three feet away from him was Dean. He stood there, starring directly at his young father, bloody, a incidious look in his eyes, filled with anger. He spoke.

_You didn't think I was going to forget. _

_You let me die!_

_Never forget, never forgive!_

As Harry starred at the doctor, he saw Dean's bloody body again, just behind the doctor. He was going insane, how else could he explain it. He played with the idea of telling the doctor about what he saw, but he just turned around and walked away.

**Time to hit that button and give me review!! Come on! Let me have it LOL!!!**


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